What is seduction?
* Seduction is the art of using sexual attraction to attain a goal.
* The goal is not always sexual intimacy. For example, television commercials use young attractive models to promote a sexy and hip image for their products and services. The sexy part motivates you to buy their products.
* Then again, there is cruising or hooking up, in which the seducer’s goal is consummated in a one-night stand.
* More commonly, the goal is of seduction is to win over a soul mate. Here, physical attraction is key in making that all-important first impression. But beyond that, a lasting relationship can only come about by mutual interests and personal chemistry.
* The least common form of seduction involves espionage. Here, bribery and blackmail are more the common methods of obtaining intelligence information, which is the ultimate goal. But seduction for the purpose of industrial-as opposed to state-sponsored-espionage has had a long and healthy run in this country until the Economic Espionage Act of 1996 was passed into law.
How does one seduce?
* To be seductive, one first has to look seductive. Appearance counts for that first impression, and you want to make your intended dream date think, “Wow!” before you ever open your mouth.
* For most young adults, the key to a good look is exercise, diet, proper grooming and a wardrobe that matches your environment. Most of the time this is common sense. That ribbed sweater, which hugs your trim figure, sure looks great at a ski resort, but you might think twice about taking it on a tropical cruise. For men, jeans and a flannel shirt are perfect for a hiking trip, but are not appropriate for anywhere, where the ladies dress up. If the gals go through all that trouble to look good, you have to show some effort too.
* Let’s say you have all the classic features of homeliness… You have jowly cheeks, baggy eyes, a receding chin, a hooked nose and thick eyebrows. But let’s also assume that you’re disciplined. Your weight is under control, and you graduated near the top of your class in college. How do you make the grade? As a last resort, consider plastic surgery.
* If you’ve paid roughly $100-to-$200 thousand dollars to finish your higher education, wouldn’t it behoove you to spend maybe $20 thousand for treatment by a first rate plastic surgeon? This may seem radical, but psychology studies have consistently shown that attractive people are more successful in business and earn more money. You might find this shallow, but it’s a fact, and it gives you a rock-solid rationalization beyond simple vanity to go under the knife.
* I REPEAT; most young adults don’t need to resort to surgery. Proper diet, grooming and a good workout are all they need.
What makes for successful seduction?
* The seduction artist knows that humans have a multitude of needs. We all have common needs such as security, comfort, social acceptance and that all-important soul mate.
* We also have individual needs, which could be intellectual, emotional or task oriented. This even includes one or more of the seven deadly sins! Individual needs include preferences, which are not absolute. For example, you might prefer a partner who is tall… short… slim… buxom… blond… brunette… loaded… On the other hand, some individual needs are absolute and function as filters to rule out any potential suitor who doesn’t make the list. Thus an observant orthodox Jew will only date another orthodox Jew. Of course, the biggest filter of all is the fact that that your potential dream date is currently seeing somebody else.
* Finally, we have intimate needs. You can’t put a name on many of them, because they reside in the emotional centers of our brain, a place, which Freud called the subconscious mind. Yet, intimate needs are very powerful. They can flash green lights of arousal and red lights of caution to our conscious mind, and it all depends upon the complex interaction of thought and circumstances at the time. Intimate needs manifest themselves with brute force in our conscious minds and determine whether we are straight or gay, even how we like to be held. They can also involve obsessions and fetishes-among other things.
* The most important thing to remember is that successful seduction requires fulfilling as many common, individual and intimate needs as possible for your intended partner. This is something you can’t fake or talk your way through.
* Social interaction is spontaneous, and so it’s sometimes best to sit back and make objective observations of your person of interest. Write your findings down as if you were writing a field study for a naturalist’s journal. You don’t need much formal training here. Just state in plain English what the person is wearing. Pay attention to his or her grooming. Note the style of clothing and the way he or she sits. Watch all the peculiar mannerisms. We all have them. How does he turn his head? Does she splay her fingers when she looks at her nails? Look for any special jewelry. Anything worn for consecutive days is special to that person, and is worthy of a compliment when you decide to break the ice. A professional manicure tells you that a woman takes special care of her appearance, but it could also mean that she likes to be pampered.
* Why are you doing this? This is called research, and you can take it as far as you want. But please do not stalk, and do not invade that person’s privacy. In other words, it’s okay to find out through the grapevine that the man of your dreams loves football and chocolate, but it’s not okay to sift through his garbage.
How does one break the ice?
* If you’re an attractive woman, it’s easy. Guys will naturally flirt with you. Of course that cute guy, whom you’re dying to meet, has a severe case of shyness. Think like a spy. Stage a small catastrophe like accidentally bumping into him and dropping your belongings. This gives him the chance to become a knight in shining armor. When he helps you gather up your stuff (and he will), make your move. How forward do you want to be? That’s up to you. Be warm and complimentary. Now, if you’ve really done your research, you know that he is a rabid Yankees fan. Do you think he might be interested in those two tickets you have for the game against the Red Sox?
* When it comes to luring the opposite sex, men as a group are not as focused as women. In fact I could say that most men are downright lazy. All around them, women are giving off telltale signals, and the guys are just clueless. Think of all the high maintenance your lady in waiting has gone through with her hair, her makeup, her color coordination and her jewelry. It all begs to be noticed and commented upon. What does her mirror tell her? She talks to it every day.
* Men should give up on trying to figure out what a woman is thinking. It’s too complicated, and it won’t help anyway for that seductive first impression. What’s more important is the woman’s emotional state, which broadcasts hi-def signals in plain sight. Unfortunately, a lot of guys have defective antennas.
* A common sense guide for a man is that he still has to make the first move, but before he makes his approach, he has to look his best, and he has to carry a self-assured bearing that states that he is comfortable in his skin. He has to understand the lady’s individual needs, and he must be prepared to compliment the lady on those things that have the most meaning to her. Remember that social acceptance is a common need, and you can assume that she’ll respond well to compliments. As for her individual needs, you’ll have to do your research. For example, what is her favorite song? Rather than interrogate her with a stream of questions, you might try mentioning your favorite music, authors, vacation spots, etc. and let her steer the conversation. Listen to her every word, and try to remember not just what she says, but how she says it. Where do her passions lie?
* A woman often responds to warm conversation with flirtatious gestures. She’ll smile appropriately, and she’ll establish direct eye contact. If you bore her, she’ll look away and maybe even try to get the attention of a friend to assist in extricating her from you. If she casts you a sideways glance over a raised shoulder, she’s flirting. If she hears her favorite song, you just might see goose bumps. Say the words, “Magnificent song,” and she might even throw her arms around you.
How does one seal the deal with a kiss?
* Always keep in mind that intimacy is not a gymnastic event. Never rush that first kiss. Hands should reach out to hands first, then to forearms then arms. Perhaps your partner wishes to feel the might of your broad shoulders. Don’t get in her way with a stupid kiss. And why does a first kiss have to be on the lips. Kissing the side of her head is both intimate and loving. Once your lips do meet, keep it gentle. Your tongue is not a battering ram. And please, don’t try for second base, unless her hands direct you there. Just tell her, “You look beautiful.” And you better mean it too!