Hello there folks. We’re talking about children coming out to their families about sexual identity. When you find out, or maybe even suspect, that your child or another member of the family is gay, or bi, or trans or querying their sexuality, then what comes next?
Have they told you they’re gay already? Or hinted? Or kept things quiet so far? How do you or will you best manage that news, that revelation that my son is gay or my daughter is gay? How will you best manage as parents of gay, bi or trans children and keep on loving them through it well?
‘Mom, Dad, I’m gay’.
Can you accept your child (or other family member) and love them just as much as ever, maybe even more, now you know their truth, who they are at their heart?
This interview took place with London Pride and other Pride marches imminent, in this episode I’m talking with Jackie Briggs of Families Together London, a charity providing support for family members (parents, grandparents, siblings for example) providing support and a listening ear to help parents of gay, bi or trans children go through their own transition when they find out their child (usually teens, young adult. but younger children too) identifies as LGBTQ+. They cover the whole of the UK nowadays, not just London. With Zoom they can offer help and support more widely.
When it came to my mother, I never got the chance while she was alive to know that she identified as a lesbian – she only shared her truth with me in a handwritten note she left for me after she died.
I wish she’d told me before.
Many people hide themselves and keep the fact that they’re gay, or bi, or trans, a secret, even or maybe especially from the people they love the most. Secrets in the family. Secrets keep us apart from people and holding secrets inside can mean that your child is depressed, or your child is anxious and withdrawn.
And hey sometimes you can understand the fear of revealing who they are – I was shocked to learn recently that 40% of homeless people are estimated to be LGBTQ+ – most of them have either been thrown out by their family or run away from the abuse and/or intolerance at home – which should be their safe space.
One of the most important things you can do is to show how child how much you love them and accept them for who they really are. And as always, the process often begins by talking.
Helen Garlick is in conversation with Jackie Briggs of Families Together London about how best to approach your child coming out as LGBTQ+ with top tips and advice (and a healthy dollop of good humour and kindness.) Find FTL here https://www.familiestogetherlondon.com
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