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— http://www.rafiabramowitz.com/ —

When I was a child I was happy and wild
In front of my friends in school
But inside I cried for as much as I tried
I felt too short to be cool

I moved oversees where kids were more free
To be open and brutally honest
They tore through my shield with vertical sneers
And “it’s only a joke I promise”

Little did they know the reason I could not grow
Was due to growth hormone deficiency
I wanted to fight but try as I might
My height made me hate being me

One day I was told I was getting too old
To hope to ever become the norm
I had to decide would I no longer abide
By the limits of my god given form

I began taking shots for through pain I sought
Acceptance and inner goodwill
Instead what I got were corrosive thoughts
And anger that the meds had instilled

I lashed out at those who’d wanted to show
Why putting me down was a blast
I couldn’t resist introducing my fist
To their smirking faces at last

As strange as my rage was bursting out of its cage
It was nothing to when I’d calm down
The world was too scary and the weight was too heavy
I knew I was bound to drown

So I’d go to my drawer and sink to the floor
With scissors held over my heart
The pain would abate and my heart would elate
But I could never complete the last part

In high school I met a new emotional threat
That tore at my unstable core
I was told I was gay for the homosexual way
I joined choir when few men had before

I was told this so often it became the coffin
In which I knew I would rot
And as if out of spite to make sure I was right
It entered the yearbook without getting caught

In college I fell ill and like a drill
I’d rush into the ER every week
My friends were supportive, there was no shortage
Of people with whom I could speak

But when I discharged I tried to discard
The stress and fit right back in
But soon I discovered my road to recover
Would be blocked by pain from within

I finally confided in friends I decided
Could help me awake from my funk
They sat near my tears calming my fears
Understanding why I had sunk

Timid no more I told the girl I adore
That my illness had left a mental bruise
She gave me a gaze that stung me for days
As she said depression’s just an excuse

No one knows what our future will hold
And there’s much we can never know today
But I am sure that which must be cured
Is only a few steps away

A sincere smile or spending awhile
With a friend who feels deserted
There are even those who seem happy and composed
But could be startlingly introverted

And if you are one who suffers a ton
From whatever causes you pain
Smile with me seek help and you’ll see
How nice it is to be happy again.

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