Making any change for the better requires not only an achievable goal but also a well-analyzed, well-constructed plan. Without this plan, going for the gold will become a self-defeating exercise and bring you massive disappointment… again.
The following are particularly useful techniques for transforming resolutions into achievement. Since many people struggle with successfully quitting smoking, I am using a resolution to stop smoking as the example.
1. Decide what you really want for yourself to make your life better. Notice that you probably have put it in the negative, like “I smoke too much. I’ll get lung cancer (or a heart attack) if I don’t quit now so I’ll have to quit.” This is too negative and self-blaming. Human beings do not move away from things as quickly as they move toward them. So, rephrase if by putting the resolution in terms of what quitting smoking would positively do for you. For example, “I can breathe more easily and go jogging with my colleagues at lunch time.”
2. Determine what are the physical, emotional,and psychological benefits of achieving your goal. For example, your clothing, skin, hair, and breath would smell fresher. Your teeth would be whiter. Your skin would remain without wrinkles for longer. Your taste buds would become alive again and allow you to enjoy foods more.
You could smell small nuances, such as a whiff of perfume, a freshly bathed baby, or a new blend of rich coffee brewing. Your nose and chest could feel clear of chronic irritation. Your headaches could diminish. You could stay inside on cold and nasty-weather days instead of running outside frequently to catch a few puffs. You could have more money to spend. You could have fewer burn holes in your carpet. You could have more energy. You could spend more time with friends in non-smoking environments. You could feel more in control of your life.
You want to think of as many benefits as possible. These benefits should be internal as well as external. You need to express them in the positive and indicate the positive consequences and implications in your life. The more positive reasons and emotional support for your goal (or dream) the more likely you will achieve it.
3. Determine what the costs are of achieving your goal. For example, you would have to stop having a cigarette with your coffee in the morning. Your social interactions tend to be built around smoking rituals. Smoking is part of your identity. You would have to suffer some degree of withdrawal from nicotine. When you see others light up, you would tend to feel deprived of something you feel you deserve.
4. Look at each perceived cost. What is each cost telling you? What positive ways can you find to address that concern? There are many ways to go beyond obstacles: you can go over, under, around, or through them. You must see the benefits as far outweighing the costs. If not, ambivalence will set in and interfere with your goal-directed action. You have to address each of those cost concerns and either neutralize it or turn it into a benefit so you can maintain your motivation in working toward your dream.
5. Break the needed changes into small tasks. Keep the visualized dream as a whole going while you work on basic behaviors, thinking, attitudes, and physiological needs… a little bit at a time. For each benefit you have listed, determine the different ways you can achieve it. For example, there are various nutrients, supplements, and foods that can help with nicotine craving. So one task would be lessening the craving and replacing what the nicotine has taken away. Another task would be to find a substitute for the coffee-cigarette morning routine.
6. Make your goal concrete but not too restrictive. That is, stopping smoking in three weeks may do all that you want, but stopping in four may do the same. It is essential not to put to much pressure on yourself because it causes anxiety, refocuses your efforts, and can sabotage you. Your goal should be reflective of how you want to feel and what you want to be able to do.
7. See yourself in your mind’s eye living your goal, enjoying the benefits in all contexts and in all spheres of your life. Make this a film you run frequently in your mind. Live it. Feel it become a strong expectation of success. Know in your gut that you will do it.
New Year’s resolutions do not have to leave you feeling inadequate or like a failure. You can achieve your goals when you know how.