Ask anyone about the benefits of male chastity and orgasm denial, and the answer you’ll get is almost always going to be the same, a variation on the theme of “your man will become more attentive, more loving, stop looking at porn and your life will become one of luxury”.
Well, maybe. I can’t say that never happens, although it’s not as much of a done-deal as you might think it is. Most of the people telling you this are in the business of selling you devices on how to achieve this largely mythical result. So let’s look at the truth of it, and then reveal a hidden and largely “secret” benefit no one talks about simply because they’re focusing on the wrong thing. I’ll come back to this in a minute.
First, let me just say that your man will most likely become more attentive and loving and all the rest, much like he used to be when you were first together. Most “experts” and “mistresses” claim if you embrace male chastity and orgasm denial he’ll become more devoted because he simply wants sex with you.
This is not true in the majority of cases. And even if it was, I suggest you’d actually find it rather off-putting rather than a hot and passionate new twist to your relationship. To put this in the context of a common experience, most women have experienced being pestered by some “nice guy” who makes those puppy-dog eyes at you and won’t leave you alone.
Is This Attractive and Appealing?
No. Even if it doesn’t get as far as full-blown stalking, which is altogether different and very scary, it’s simply… pathetic and about as sexy as socks and sandals.
The good news is, this doesn’t have to happen just because you embrace male chastity and orgasm denial. And I know this is a real fear for women new to the idea – they don’t mind the idea of playing a hot passionate game with their man… but they do mind it if he turns into a spineless wimp.
On the contrary, while you probably do want him to find you irresistible and to be unable to keep his hands off you, and you also want him to be a strong, loving, confident, sexy and masculine man. Yes, some “dominant women” don’t want that, but they’re in the minority. Most of us girls want a man who’s a man, not an adolescent doormat with a sad face. But the point is this unwelcome change doesn’t have to come about as a result of male chastity and orgasm denial per se.
See, his increased interest in you comes from the increased intimacy you’re both now sharing (which is why I say it’s a two-way street, and you have a responsibility to keep your side of the bargain – if you just “lock him and leave him“, don’t expect him to be happy or the chastity lifestyle to work for you). This brings you closer. And people who are close tend to do nice things for each other.
Remember, almost everything written on male chastity and orgasm denial is written either by women whose views are polarised to the “dominant” side, or by men whose views are polarised the other way – towards being submissive and subservient. Yet the truth is most of us are right in the middle. We want all the pleasure without the behaviours which are often tantamount to abuse (even if it’s consensual abuse, it’s still not what most people want).
Now, up top I said I’d reveal to you a secret benefit no one ever talks about. Well, it’s simple and obvious, which is why so very few people see it. And I think you’re going to love it (plus it might even sway you in the direction of giving it a try).
Essentially instead of making the whole thing about male chastity and orgasm denial, reframe it to being about preparation for the times when you are going to allow him to orgasm. In other words, focus on the pleasure you can give him, not the “suffering” he has to endure (because I know it can be hard to keep saying “no!” when he wants to orgasm).
For example…
My Husband John and I Have “Honeymoons” Three or Four Times a Year.
He doesn’t get to orgasm at any other time, but during those weekends, he has a “free pass”. And it really is just like being a newlywed again. Occasionally we’ll even go away to a hotel for a break and make a real event of it. You’ll no doubt be told if you moot this idea on forums that you’re not doing it “right” and your idea of male chastity and orgasm denial are somehow “wrong” or “inferior” to the way people do it who follow the “correct” way to do it.
But you have a choice. You can either listen to them and play a game in your life with rules not of your making; or you can decide to choose for yourself and make up your own rules. In my experience, the latter choice is always best.