Join the Gay Men’s Brotherhood on facebook: https://www.facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood/

I’ve spent most of my late 20’s and early 30’s trying to heal from the toxic shame that led me into a crack addiction and sexual compulsive behaviours.

It took me a long time to get to a place where I felt comfortable taking off my mask and showing up in my wholeness without shame trying to convince me to put my mask back on.

This road has led to some interesting findings and I want to share them with you because maybe you can relate to my experiences.

I spent a greater part of my life not knowing how to have meaningful connections with other gay men.

Not knowing how to share intimacy without sex, and most definitely not knowing how to be vulnerable with other gay men because I thought it would make me undesirable.

What I didn’t realize is that my vulnerability actually made me relatable and this relatability is how I began to find connection with other gay men.

Once I stopped hiding and let my authenticity be seen, I started to attract the type of people into my life who make me feel wholesome.

Gay men have a tendency to overcompensate with the physical connection because they don’t feel comfortable to show up in the mental, emotional and spiritual parts of their being.

We have internalized the societal message that we aren’t good enough because we are different. Shame has culturally been ingrained into us because of this. If we don’t resolve this shame, we let it control us into keeping our inner most parts of our being hidden and these are the parts of us that need connection.

We all yearn for this type of connection but are you willing to take off your mask to get it?

Most people aren’t and this is why drug, alcohol and sex addiction is so rampant in our community.

We are all looking for connection but the physical is the only way we know how to meet it.

After a sexual encounter you may feel a release or a form of connection but it may feel shallow for you and this is why we tend to think quantity is the answer but I can assure you it is quality of connection most people are yearning for.

If you are yearning for a deeper quality connection, you are not alone.

There are many people that are yearning for this and not getting this need met. They keep searching for quantity of connections and prevent themselves from feeling a deeper sense of fulfillment and connection.

In order to move past this toxic shame, we need to make peace and honour the feelings we felt when we came out that pushed us out of the closet, but further into ourselves.

We do this by allowing ourselves to feel pride in who we are and compassion for who we aren’t.

Go back to the time when you came out and sit with those feelings that arose for you. Hold space for yourself to feel the anger, hurt, rejection, shame, disappointment, fear, etc. and begin to give yourself permission to move past those feelings so you can step into your authenticity and find the connections you are yearning for.

Want more resources on how to heal shame?

Join the Gay Men’s Brotherhood on facebook:

https://www.facebook.com/groups/gaymensbrotherhood/

Connect with me on social media for more inspiration to take with you on your journey:

► Sign up for my FREE Embody Your Truth Course: https://www.mattlandsiedel.com/embody-your-truth-course/
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