Are you in a lesbian relationship (or any relationship!) and wondering if it has run its course? How do you decide when to bail? Of course there are the obvious red flags, like cheating and abuse, but what if the troubles are more subtle than that. Here are a few ways to tell if you should consider breaking up and getting a fresh start, hopefully making a wiser choice the next time round.
- You are feeling trapped. The relationship is no longer a source of joy, but rather an obligation for you to uphold. You brace before walking in the door at night.
- You look forward to the workweek.
- You are talking to the wall. You’ve tried to explain what is going on with you and how you feel about the relationship, but she does nothing to address your concerns.
- You feel like you are doing a disproportionate amount of the relationship-building work. You are the arranger, the talker, the organizer, the planner, the fixer, the doer. If you stop, she does nothing to take over. You are exhausted and hurt.
- You feel you don’t have the strength or the will to work on the relationship, even if your partner does want to turn it around. You simply don’t care anymore. The thought of couples counseling is unappealing. You have passed the point of emotional no-return.
- You are frequently thinking about an ex- or find yourself flirting with someone new. You may have noticed your partner doing the same.
- You and your partner are fighting more often and more intensely…or worse, you are not communicating at all.
- Your partner ridicules you or seems embarrassed by you around others.
- Your partner tells other people important news before she tells you. Not good. Especially if you hear it back from the other person first!
- Your partner doesn’t consult you before making major decisions.
- Your partner doesn’t make time for you. You try to make plans to be together, but your partner tends to have excuses to cancel them, whether it be work, commitments to friendships or just household chores. You feel like you are at the bottom of the list.
- The sex is dead.
If your relationship has 4 or 5 of these signs, as a couple you maybe in trouble. If 7 or 8 are hitting home, you might start thinking about getting out of the relationship and making some plans toward that end. If the whole list sounds like your life, run!